“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“A fireman.”

“A doctor.”

“A pastor.”

Is one of these more noble than the next? Is only one of these jobs “ministry?”

The Washington Post just posted an article about seminary grads who have no plans to become pastors, like Alethea Allen, a Virginia resident who graduated this week from Wesley Theological Seminary in Northwest Washington. She is going to be a pediatrician.

“I see what I’m doing as a form of ministry.” She said.

The article reveals that only 41 percent of master’s of divinity graduates expect to pursue full-time church ministry, down from 90-something percent a few decades ago.

Maybe this isn’t such a bad trend in a world where people are growing increasingly skeptical of the church. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a shortage of pastors. But I can’t say that I’d be bummed if we raised up a generation of people who studied God’s word… and lived it out in their own jobs, their own homes and their own neighborhoods.

That’s why I was so truly psyched to hear that the David Crowder Band will be releasing their final Greatest Hits record, ‘The Essential Collection’ next week (May 21). It will include 10 of the bands biggest hits, 3 all-new remixes, and a brand new song by just Crowder himself. Check out the iTunes preview HERE.

Celebrating this release, I’m going to give away 5 CDs… one each to five of my blog readers. Simply use my comment feature stating where you live and your favorite Crowder song by far.

How’s that for simple?

I’ll randomly draw five winners and post them right here next week.

The workshop is titled, “Should I Just SMASH my Kids Phone?” and it’s based off of the new workbook Doug Fields and I just wrote by the same title. The seminar equips parents to build lasting values and set boundaries that really work, teaching discernment along the way (I teach the workshop with parents and teens Tuesday night in the Sacramento area, and then again this week just to parents at the FAM Conference at Azusa Pacific University).

Yesterday I spoke in four services at the church hosting the workshop this Tuesday (a local church in Sacramento) introducing some of the issues we’ll unpack. I always manuscript my talks before speaking, so I thought I’d share the opening few minutes of my Sunday talk with you:

As For Me and My House…
It’s been exactly one year since I spoke here, and I especially find it fascinating how fast the world changes in so short of a time. Since last year at this time I can’t help but notice one enormous seismic shift in the world of youth culture and technology. This shift changes the way teenagers communicate and changes the way we parent. You see, last year at this time only a minority of teenagers in America owned these little devices right here: the smart phone. Sure, most of them had a cell phone in their pocket, which gave them the ability to make phone calls (which they rarely did), and the capacity to text (which they did nonstop). But that was the old “phone.”

As parents purchased new smartphones, passing their old ones down to their teenagers… and as Christmas passed, with Smartphones near the top of young people’s list… smartphone ownership has grown at a rate of about 30% in the last 12 months, and by most people’s count, now about two-thirds of 12-17-year-olds have one of these little devices in their pocket. The average American spends 2 hours and 38 minutes on this device. Teenagers, as you can imagine, are at the top of this curve.

What does that mean?

Well, now, the majority of teenagers don’t only have a phone and a device for texting, but they now have access to the internet and can freely browse the web. They can also download apps, watch YouTube, use social media, like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat… name it. They now have access to iTunes, the hub of entertainment media. This means they now carry their entire music library, with access to the top songs at any moment, the top videos, the top movies and TV shows… have you ever taken a peek at what’s the top of the list?

And this is all in this one little Swiss Army Knife of Technology that fits neatly into their pocket.

This is raising all kinds of issues for parents.

I’ll give you one glaring example. A few years ago the journal Pediatrics released a sobering report about sexual content in media, and they recommended parents not only limit screen time, but that they remove all screens from their kids’ bedrooms. It’s not that screens are all bad, but in the isolation of a bedroom and late at night, screens were just offering too many distractions. No TV, no computer… no screens. Well… now two-thirds of teenagers have one of these in their pocket—this is a screen. And I don’t know many parents that stand outside their kids’ door at night with a bucket saying, “Ah, ah aaaaah… phone please. No screens in the bedroom!”

The truth of the matter is, most parents haven’t even addressed these issues with their kids. As a matter of fact, only 50% of parents have even enabled parental controls, and only 46% of parents have even discussed social media profiles with their kids. The fact is, in the busyness of life, their kids were begging for a phone, parents finally gave in, sick of their whining, the 14-year-old was handed this little device at Christmas with the instructions, “You break it, you pay for it.” And that’s it!!!

And now parents across the country are doing triage because their kids are taking a device that is capable of so much good and they’re making poor choices, mostly, because they’ve never been taught to make good choices with the phone.

The phone is like a car. It can be used for good, or for bad. But the crazy thing is, when we enable our kids to drive, we spend 6 months sitting next to them in a car, giving them instructions, teaching them skills, testing them, giving them limited control and slowly segueing to greater control. But a phone, this incredible powerful little device… we give it to them and say, “Don’t break it!”

No wonder so many parents are having trouble after the fact…

MORE ON THIS SUBJECT IN THIS WEEK’S YOUTH CULTURE WINDOW ARTICLE, “I MET HIM ON INSTAGRAM”

DISCOVER HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES THAT REALLY WORK IN JONATHAN & DOUG’S NEW BOOK
NOW IN STOCK

“Fields and McKee have
created a path that
empowers parents to
provide what their
kids need.”
-Dr. John Townsend,
Author of best-seller, Boundaries

I’m on a plane quite a bit. I seem to average 6 to 8 legs a month. I’ve learned a few tricks, quirks and tips over the years that make travel easier… or at least more bearable. I’ll try not to repeat the obvious ones I covered yesterday in my hotel post like, “stick with one airline.” But definitely do that to earn free flights and other perks. So here they are…

The Frequent Travelers Top 10 Air Travel Tips:

1. Live in a hub city: My friends Mark, Doug, Greg… almost all my friends who travel like I do… live in hub cities. Their airline can get to most cities in one leg. I however, do not live in a hub city. That means it takes me two flight to get to most places. If you plan on flying for a living… live in a hub city!
2. Take the first flight of the day: It’s this simple: the earlier your flight, the greater the chance of you getting to your destination. Later flights depend on earlier flights, earlier crews, earlier maintenance and weather conditions. If just one of those elements is off kilter, then the rest of the day collapses like dominos. It’s always worth it to start early.
3. Always choose the nonstop: If you have the choice, always take the nonstop. Every stop is just an opportunity for cancelled connections, maintenance issues, weather, or other delays. But if you absolutely have to make a connection…
4. Never check luggage: If your flight is ever cancelled or delayed and you have an opportunity to catch another flight, the first question the person at the gate will ask you is, “Did you check your luggage?” If you say yes, then they’ll say, “Sorry, we can’t help you.” Thanks to the new laws since 9/11, you can’t jump on another plane if your luggage is checked somewhere else. Solution: never check your luggage. If you fly a lot, this is really important because you’ll constantly need the freedom to jump to other flights.
5. Get early boarding: Get that credit card that gives you priority boarding, or just fly a lot and you’ll get it. But priority boarding means getting your carry-on luggage near you. If you board late, you might have to put your luggage in the back or underneath which means 20 minute delay when you land which might cost you making your layover.
6. No quick layover unless you’re willing to stay over: When you’re booking your flights, if you have to do a layover, never book one under an hour. Call me OCD, but it only takes a few times landing late in Chicago or Houston and running through the airport only to see your plane backing away from the gate because you had a 38 minute layover.
7. Never fly anywhere you could drive: I often speak near Milwaukee. Milwaukee is under 2 hours from Chicago. I can fly directly to Chicago, get in a car and be in Milwaukee faster than taking a layover to Milwaukee… a flight that might be delayed or cancelled (especially the smaller planes—they are the first flights cancelled in bad weather). If you can handle a 2 or 3-hour drive… always make the drive instead of taking a layover.
8. Bring your own food: I’ve only eaten one good airline meal in my entire life, and I’ve almost flown a million miles. I was upgraded to first from Korea in the upstairs of one of those big birds and enjoyed a wonderful filet minion. Every other meal I’ve had was easily trumped by the McDonald’s in the airport (how’s that for setting the bar low?). So stop by the airport deli before you board, or better yet, bring something good from outside the airport.
9. Always Have Earplugs/Headset: Last month I had a lady behind me who talked for 3 ½ hours straight without breathing. It was truly amazing. Luckily, I had some noise cancelation headphones. The two people next to me didn’t and they both committed suicide before the flight ended.
10. Slip on shoes: Nothing makes a smoother security experience than slip on shoes!

That’s it! What tips do you have?

Frequent Traveler Tips to “Hoteling”

1. Stick with one hotel chain: I used to jump around finding the best deal. But, in the long run, I lost out. Pick one chain, sign up for their frequent traveler’s program, and you’ll get all the perks (if you travel enough, you’ll often get free upgrades, free nights, free breakfasts…). This still works even if you don’t travel a lot. It will take more time, but you’ll earn rewards.
2. Set air conditioner colder that you would at home: Don’t pay attention to the number on the thermostat, just turn it to AC and then crank the temperature down. Men, tell your wife to pack some warm PJ’s. They’ll always say, “The room is too cold.” Then they’ll be kicking off that thick duvet drenched in sweat about an hour later! Which is why I always…
3. Ask for a blanket: Forget the big thick duvet that is made with the feathers of about 200 geese. That thing is an oven! The rooms are never cool enough. Get an old school blanket to throw on top of the sheet. Keep the duvet at your feet if you absolutely need it.
4. Spend the extra 14 bucks: I remember early on trying to save $7 here, $14 there on a cheaper motel. The truth is, by morning I wish I had anted up. I’ve had it all at the cheap motels: baby’s crying, dogs barking… loud lovers! Upgrade to the Hampton down the street and you’ll get thicker walls, a money back guarantee and all the perks (I just stayed at one for $79 last week).
5. Set three alarms: Never trust the wakeup call. They’re only about 90%. If you have an important meeting in the morning (or Disneyland opens at 8AM), then use the wakeup call, but also set a backup alarm, and one with a battery. (Do I sound a little OCD?)
6. Get a room on the top floor: Once when I was checking in at a hotel, I noticed about 40 teenage girls wearing jackets that said, “Marlene’s Dance Academy.” Yeah… they were practicing their routine in the room above me all night. Ask for the top floor whenever possible. You never have to worry about pounding above you.
7. Make sure your room is away from the elevator and ice machine: Elevators and ice machines tend to draw noise all night long. But it’s impossible to avoid all hallway noise, so…
8. Set the fan to “on”: After I turn the AC down low, I always turn the fan from “auto” to “on.” That way I have some white noise all night long, which is better than hearing the loud tipsy couple in the hallway searching for their room key at 2AM (it happens even in the best hotels).
9. Don’t turn on the TV without a plan: Hotel TV’s are just porn traps. The main menu has an option for “Adults Only.” If you avoid it and click “Movies” then you’ll be greeted with another “Adults Only.” If you avoid it again and click current releases, sometimes it will ask you again, “Do you want an Adult current release.” And if you start flipping the channels, it isn’t much better. Most hotels come with HoTime or the other one… and they all have more eye candy than any man needs while in a hotel alone. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to “flee” porn these days.  Avoid the TV.

And my last tip…

10. Tip the maid: This might not do much for you, but it sure brightens up their day. Leave $2 or $3 on the pillow with a note saying, “Thanks.” They work hard for little.

(tomorrow I’ll give my “airline tips”)

What about you? What tips do you have?

Sad, but true. Literally today.

(I know, I know. I can foresee it now. Someone is going to email me and tell me, “Jonathan, why are you telling us this! This will tempt us to click on it!” And to that I say, “In a world where anyone can jump on Google at anytime and type ‘naked girls’ and see just that in a matter of seconds… I’m not telling you anything new.”)

The question I want to raise is, “Have you set some guardrails to help your kids steer away from these kinds of temptations?”

Let me ask you this:

• Does your child have their phone in their bedroom at night?
• Does your child have access to iTunes?
• Have you used the “enable restrictions” feature on your child’s iPhone? (That’s what the iPhone calls it. Android phones have similar features.)
• Does your child have access to social media on their phone?
• Have you turned off the “location services” on their social media accounts so predators don’t know where your daughter just Instagramed from?

Those are just a few examples of where today’s kids are getting into trouble.

Doug Fields and I just finished our workbook for parents, Should I Just Smash My Kid’s Phone (shipping this week). In that book we help parents set realistic guardrails in a world where the majority of teenagers have a smartphone in their pocket. Some of the most necessary safety nets needed today are with our kids’ phones (which is why we provided a sample “phone contract” and a “social media discussion guide” in that book).

Sadly, less than half of parents are having conversations with their kids about their phones or their social media use. And only half have even taken advantage of features like parental controls for filtering or monitoring their child’s online activity.

Maybe it’s because they don’t know how.

Allow me.

Enabling Restrictions on an iPhone
Since iPhone is still the number one choice for youngins’ today… let me give you a quick tour (again, if your kids have an Android phone, the principles I talk about below transfer. And you can probably Google “Parental Controls __________” …filling in your child’s exact phone).

Once you have conversations with your kid about phone safety and responsibility (we recommend multiple conversations, including them in the process of setting up these fair and realistic guardrails—something we spend an entire chapter on in our workbook), enable restrictions on their phone by accessing SETTINGS then GENERAL. Once in General, find RESTRICTIONS.

If RESTRICTIONS says “Off” then your child has had access to anything and everything. So click RESTRICTIONS…

…and that will bring you to the next screen where you want to click ENABLE RESTRICTIONS.

This will ask you to set up a password. (This is where you don’t put your birthday or your husband’s name.)

Now you have the power to choose what your kids can and can’t use. If they’re 10, then you might want to block Safari (internet browser) and iTunes until you teach them responsibility with those tools. You also might want to block “Installing Apps” and “Deleting Apps.”

If they are 14, and you do allow iTunes, apps, movies, etc., then if you scroll down (still in RESTRICTIONS)…

…and you’ll find a section titled “Allowed Content” where you can choose the ratings for music, movies, apps, etc.

For example, if you switch “Music & Podcasts” from “Explicit” to “Clean,” then your kid wouldn’t be able to see the naked girls in that music video today.

If you scroll down further on the RESTRICTIONS screen…

…you’ll see another section titled “Privacy.” This section is where you can turn off or edit “Location Services.” Think carefully through the ramifications of this one though, because if you just turn it completely off, then your “Find My iPhone” feature doesn’t work. (And this feature came in really handy when my daughter left her phone in the Ontario airport. And if you have a 16-year-old son, it might come in really handy when he tells you he’s at Dillon’s house, but “Find my iPhone” tells you he’s actually at Carrie’s house!) So maybe consider just turning off the location services for Twitter and Facebook, or any social networking sites that would give predators a peek at where your cute little 13-year-old daughter is when she Tweeted that last message.

These are just some of the RESTRICTIONS and safeguards parents can use. I encourage you to scroll through them all and mess around with them. Ask other parents what they have used. You’ll probably have to ask several… because most haven’t.

So what about you? What other safety precautions have you found important to take advantage of with your kids’ phone?

DISCOVER HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES THAT REALLY WORK IN JONATHAN & DOUG’S NEW BOOK

“Fields and McKee have
created a path that
empowers parents to
provide what their
kids need.”
-Dr. John Townsend,
Author of best-seller, Boundaries

This video documents a little experiment. A forensic artist was asked to draw sketches of women based on their own descriptions. The artist can’t see the women making the descriptions… he just draws what they describe. Then he sketches another drawing based on how others describe these same women. Then we see the images side by side.

Wow!!! Take a peek at this amazing video.

My son Alec was the one who made me aware of this video. One of his ministry classes at Azusa Pacific University discussed it when it was first released and Alec posted it on his Facebook page. This discussion provoker was too good to pass up, so I wrote something you can use to talk with teenagers about this– discussion questions with scripture and a wrap up.

This video is part of Dove’s “Real Beauty” campaign, which was launched after the company discovered that only 4 percent of women consider themselves beautiful. I have been thoroughly impressed with Dove’s efforts to make women feel better about body image. You might remember their popular “Evolution” video a few years ago (we wrote a self esteem discussion about that one as well).

I’m curious… can you make it through this video without your eyes watering?

What about my women readers? What are your thoughts about this video?

I ask because my friend Vicki called me the other day and asked me, “What is the one most common word or phrase teenagers say today?” Our online slang dictionary doesn’t sort by popularity.

My first hunch was to tell her, “I know, right?” No seriously… that’s the phrase I hear most teenagers say across the US today. They don’t realize they say it, but they say it.

“American Idol sucks this year.”

“I know, right?”

It’s a simple little phrase that I probably even said when I was a kid, but it’s come back with a new fervor. (“Fervor”? Really? Teens definitely aren’t saying fervor.)

But that’s not the phrase I gave her. I debated giving her “legit.” I’ve heard that used a lot lately. But that is one of those terms I truly heard about 8-10 years ago too. What I wanted was a word/phrase that is actually perceived as current and big. Maybe “just saying!” That’s another common one I hear right after a teenager says something rude.

“Megan wore that exact same outfit last Friday. Just saying.”

But I wanted a teenaged opinion. That’s the cool thing about being a parent of three teenagers. I went downstairs and asked my daughter Alyssa, “What’s the most current and recognized word or phrase used by teenagers today.”

She didn’t even hesitate for a second. She said, “YOLO. Everyone says it, and they all know they do.”

You might have caught me writing about YOLO before. This little acronym was already huge, but caught even more attention a few months ago when Andy Samberg and Adam Levine teamed up and made the YOLO parody video, aired on Saturday Night Live (we wrote a YouTube discussion starter using it). The phrase means “you only live once” and is used ubiquitously in teen culture.

My daughter also mentioned “swag.” She said, “No one would probably admit it’s popular, but everyone uses it.”

“So it’s like Facebook?” I clarified.

So what about you? What are the words or phrases you hear today’s teenagers saying? Jump on my comments and share.

I start the majority of my workshops with a youth culture quiz. I ask parents and youth workers, “Do you know today’s teenagers? Are you familiar with their culture, attitudes, habits and trends.”

But keeping up with today’s teen is no easy task, because the only constant is change… especially in the area of technology.

Take smartphone ownership, for example. From early 2011 to late 2012, smartphone penetration increased by 45% among teens, 32 percent among adults 18-24, and 22 percent among adults 25-34. Nielsen provides a nice little graphic in this most recent April report, showing device ownership among teens and young adults.

Of course, this little graphic doesn’t include Christmas 2012. Take that into consideration, and the rapid rate of annual increase, and you can probably now add almost 5% to some of those numbers above.

Teens are moving towards mobile; maybe this is why they are watching more mobile video than any other age group… that is… until they turn 18. Then they spend more time watching video on the internet. But don’t misunderstand the numbers. Both of these platforms are trumped by how much time they spend watching content on the traditional television… they still opt to spend most their time in front of that screen.

More about this in this recent Nielsen report.

Do you know what your teenagers are watching?

Are you having conversations with them about what they see?

(This is rather ironic… as I’m writing this, here in my hotel just 30 minutes before we leave for the airport, my wife is now tugging at my shirt, saying, “Come hang with me.” So I’m neglecting her for 5 minutes to write to you about how important she is. This will be a quick post.)

We spent 7 days just being together, enjoying conversation, activities… and too much food! (Yeah, gotta run a little extra this coming week to make up for it)

I can’t honestly say I didn’t work at all. Doug Fields and I actually have a book going to print today, so I ended up doing a couple last minute final proofs of that, but other than that… I did no work, no Tweeting, no interruptions… so nice!

It was also an interesting contrast to the way the world looks at relationships. While we were here, we saw a couple movies on the TV in the hotel, both about marriage. And in both movies the marriages were so dysfunctional, with the husband and his friends talking about how much their wives drove them nuts, etc. The couples didn’t like being with each other. Funny that Lori and I were sitting together, holding hands, watching these movies, wondering… really?

I’m not trying to paint a picture that our marriage is perfect… it’s not. We bicker. We do stupid selfish things. But one thing for sure… we crave time together. More than that… we make time together.

This week was a great time for nonstop together times. These times are necessary in our marriage.

Last week I posted about the need for “rest.” Let me just emphasize it: WE NEED IT!

Lori and I are already best friends. We run together, we work together, we have regular dates, but this was really special. It was a week with no distractions—just her and me. I can see why God commanded that we take these times of rest.

When is your next date with your spouse?

When is your next time of rest?