You Know I’m Just Gonna Hurtcha!

When I met my wife 20 years ago, we were both 19 and had been living life for ourselves. A lot of consequences result from this kind of living, and the two of us faced the fallout of some of those consequences together even as we got involved in our church, grew closer to God, and to each other.

Just before we met, Lori had been dating a guy who was… how can I say it? … a playa.” Reflecting on this relationship, Lori always shares, “How could I have been so stupid? I knew he was going to be with other girls from the start of the relationship, but I somehow convinced myself that he wouldn’t do that to me. But he did, over and over again.”

Painful memories for Lori. Maybe that’s why the #1 hit on the music charts today, Break Your Heart, irritates her so much.

“The song is trying to justify this kind of playa lifestyle,” she implores. Lori, a mom of 12 and 14-year-old girls, also mentors a small group of junior high girls at our church. “It’s the kind of lie that today’s young girls are buying.

This candid new song, Break Your Heart, is by Taio Cruz. He’d probably just argue that he’s “keeping it real.” Because he and rapper Ludacris make their intentions clear throughout the song. “I’m going to hurt you.” “I’ve got a problem with misbehavin.”

Oh… well then I guess it’s okay then. As long as he admits it up front, right?

(I just spent a little bit of time talking about Ludacris and his typical content in the latter half of my blog about Britney fans last week. Grown ups are even embracing artists like Luda.)

David R. Smith does an incredible job at unpacking this song in this week’s Youth Culture Window article, Low Expectations for Love. In the article, he not only provides us with information about the song and the artist, he also shares some concern about the impact on our girls’ self esteem. He wraps up the article by providing some questions that we can ask our teeenagers about this song, or more importantly, this mindset. I encourage you to read that article.

Yesterday my son Alec (16) was talking with me about girls at his school. He and a few friends were sharing how quick and easy girls are to provide sexual favors to guys today. Girls are growing up in a world that not only convinces them that they need to dress like a hootchie, but that they need to be sexual objects. Now songs like Break Your Heart seem to be conveying, “Some guys are like this… and that’s okay.”

With today’s “hookup” mentality, this probably isn’t a big deal. Hooking up basically means “being sexually active for fun, with no strings attached.” Perhaps Cruz and Ludacris think that today’s “Hookup” generation won’t feel any guilt or regret when they’re treated like an object.

If they only knew how many tears were shed the day after.

What messages are your kids hearing from songs like this?

About Jonathan McKee

president of The Source for Youth Ministry, is the author of over a dozen books including the new Get Your Teenager Talking, The Guy's Guide to God, Girls and the Phone in Your Pocket, The Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide for Teenager, and youth ministry books like Ministry By Teenagers, Connect: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation, and the 10-Minute Talks series. Jonathan speaks and trains at conferences, churches and events across North America, all while providing free resources for youth workers and parents on his websites, TheSource4YM.com and TheSource4Parents.com. You can follow Jonathan on his blog, getting a regular dose of youth culture and parenting help. Jonathan and his wife Lori, and their three teenagers Alec, Alyssa and Ashley live in California.
[Are you getting this daily blog in your email inbox?] If not, it's real easy-go here.
This entry was posted in Entertainment Media, Jonathan's Rant, Music, Sexuality, Youth Culture. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to You Know I’m Just Gonna Hurtcha!

  1. jon forrest says:

    Man I love the Source. Ya’ll do so much to help me keep pace with my kids. You are so right about David’s article. I can hear my kids now saying, “I just love the music, I’m not shaping my life with the lyrics.” I have to say, it is crazy catchy. I’m singing it right now. I think my kids would all say hooking up is wrong. But listening to a song about it isn’t that bad (according to them). Especially since the song is actually about honesty. I think they are dead wrong, but it’s tough to get that point across.
    Btw that point is lost on Kelly Ripa as you pointed out last week. I’ve seen Ludacris in movies and thought he was pretty main stream. I about died when I read the lyrics you sent me to. And Kelly said she loves Luda. She is doing like our kids.
    Our brains are not designed with a filth filter that makes it possible for us to just absorb the good stuff. It’s tough to convince our kids of that though.

  2. David says:

    I could write some long comment here, because ya’ll really got my wheels turning on the subject. But there’s no need because the blog and article covers it sufficiently. Good work again guys, keep it up.

  3. Erin says:

    Thank you, David and Jonathan, for keeping us up to speed on the media industry and the junk it’s feeding all of us. I’m not a parent, but I am a youth leader at a church and definitely feel some level of responibility for “my kids”. Just last week I had a 8-year-old girl come into my office pretty proud that she knew all the words to “Tik Tok” by Kesha, a song that is currently on her iPod. And she wasn’t kidding – she knew almost every word. I had thoughts going through my head from, “You’ve gotta be kidding me” to “Do her parents have any clue what she’s listening to” to “Oh boy, I have my work cut out for me”. It still boggles my mind just thinking about it.
    Also, just as a side note, I also dated a “playa”-type myself, and it was a horrible experience. I’ve since found a wonderful Christian man who has proven to be the exact opposite and I’m now able to use those experiences to encourage my girls in ministry that they don’t have to settle for a crappy relationship. They’re worth more than that.

  4. Thanks for sharing your heart Erin. I appreciate your words.

    Keep up the good work!

  5. Michelle says:

    It is amazing the things I learn from this blog. Thank you for helping to be a more informed Youth Minister.